12/12/12

Let me start out by saying that I had never heard of "12/12/12" until I ran across it on "OnDemand".  It sounded intriguing - I love "bad seed" stories a la "The Omen", "Rosemary's Baby", "The Good Son", etc.  I like the idea of evil kids.  Sorry, but it's true.  So the premise got me.  A story about a mother who, after being surrounded by dead bodies, determines that it's possibly due to her kid.  Interesting, no?  Anyways, I was suckered in and I now want my money back.

The characters in "12/12/12" were seriously monodimensional.  They were barely characters at all and were instead the basic idea of characters.  The mother, Veronica, is either stupid or possessed.  Either way she should have died much quicker than she did.  The cop could have been either intensely bad or intensely good.  Instead he was just kind of a dumb guy with a serious Kojak infatuation (who has that many lollypops?  And isn't six with a serious dental bill?).

And once again, horror movies serve as a sort of important lesson to us all:

1. Babies should not look like shaved Ewoks.  And if they do, check to see if they can fly. 
2. Babies, at least HUMAN babies, do not fly.  Nor do 9 day old infants have a way to propel themselves from the floor onto a normal humans neck.  
3. Human babies generally do not have fangs.  If your baby can fly and has fangs perhaps you should take him to a church.
4. If your baby is so horrific that it causes the mailman to kill himself with a boxcutter (again with the box cutter - what is the freaking deal with these as weapons in horror movies - see my review of "Evil Dead" for more on boxcutter madness) you may need to consider an exorcism.
5. And lastly, if your 9 day old baby can fly, dresses in strange hooded costumes and has killed pretty much everyone he's come in contact with - he's just not a nice baby.  Kill him.  He deserves it.

Suffice it to say there's a reason none of us have heard of "12/12/12".  It sucked.  It likely was a "direct to video" gem and there it should stay.  I give it 0 skulls. Yes.  You read that right.  ZERO.  This movie should never see the light of day again.  I watched it so you don't have to.